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  • How to Make Your Partner Feel Loved, Not Only on Valentine’s ;-)

    Hello everyone! Since it was Valentine’s Day yesterday I decided to write about LOVE. When we hear the word love, we each have our perception and the personal belief to what it is. Many of us humans, are constantly looking for connections with others, it is one of our fundamental needs (you can read more about it here). House and Amberson (1988) actually found that social connection improves health, wellbeing and longevity (you can learn more about it here). What we all know is that we each have our “preferred cup of tea”in the partner we chose. However, we cannot know ahead of time if they would fit the way we like to feel cared for or loved and therefore, it is not always so easy to find. 

    Most of the time, it is not so easy to find that “perfect fit” because not all of us understand what it means to be able to provide our partner the type of love they NEED or are interested in. If we do not feel and think the same way, it is sometimes hard to relate and understand why a specific behavior translates to our partner as an act of love. Since we are all different people, with out own unique outlook on what life is about, how things should be we all perceive and experience things differently. When in relationship it is important to work hard to find out what makes our partner feel loved, special, and connected. Even if we do not relate or understand why it makes them feel this way, we should make an effort to provide it to them and vice versa. As i like to look at it, as long as each side in the partnership is busy making their partner happy, both should be happy. Right?

    Below are some ideas on how to help your partner feel special:
    • Make sure to plan something you know they like doing once in awhile. 
    • Create rituals that you share and strengthen your connection. A great thing to do is the simple habit of greeting your partner and kissing them when you see each other
    • Ask for their opinion and make them feel part of your decisions 
    • Learn from your mistake and avoid repeating the same behavior that you know will likely upset your partner. Going through difficult times and dealing with obstacles makes your relationship stronger and helps you get out stronger on the other side 😉
    • Even when you are stressed, anxious or preoccupied try to be affectionate and communicate to your partner what you are going through. Communication can go a long way!
    • Compliment your partner often and make them feel wanted
    • Show your appreciation when they do something to make you feel special
    • Be supportive of his/her alone time. Having individualism within a relationship can actually foster better relationship and connection (read more here). Self care is important
    • When you get home or spend time together, put your phone away and just talk to each other instead
    • Find time to get busy in the bedroom, even when life gets too busy
    • Encourage your partner dreams and help them achieve their goals
    • Date night is REALLY important, especially after having kids
    • LISTEN!! A lot of us try to fix and give advice when we hear about something that happened to someone we care about. Sometimes thou, all they need is a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to them vent
    Just remember, some people would like some things on the list but would care less about others. Take the time to get to know what your partner likes and you will be on the right track for happier, more successful relationship! If you need assistance, please contact me for couples/marriage/premarital counseling here.


    1. Unknown
      February 16, 2017 at 12:23 pm

      Great tips and I agree that most of us need social connections; our need to belong is very important for health and well-being.

      Mateja Petje, LMFT