4 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive in a Crowded Home

When you think about romance, you might make some automatic associations with flowers, chocolates, date nights, and intertwined bodies enjoying a snuggle. All of these definitely make up details or the type of romance we all crave. However, when living together, keeping romance alive is not just about the big stuff. Keeping romance alive is also about the little actions everyday. It is about the body language, the tone, and the micro moments of affection that accumulate and help us feel alive and content.

Even with the natural ebb and flow of relationships, it is much easier to keep romance and connection alive when a couple lives on their own with no roommates or children. There is more space and energy for spontaneity and creativity when there are fewer demands in a household.

Once we add in the demand and responsibilities of children, a couple has to be more deliberate with their time together in order to make time for connection. If the couple does not have children, but have found themselves in an economic situation where it is best to have roommates join them, then there will also be an emotional cost to the living arrangement. Tensions can arise when different lifestyles clash, or when roommates or adult children do not maintain certain boundaries or expectations.

Considering that some living arrangements are required or cannot be controlled, couples could still benefit from knowing how to continue connecting and finding time for romance in their lives.

Here are a few ways to keep the romance alive when you live in a crowded home:

1. Don’t assume you know everything you need to know about your partner.

As our circumstances change, we continue to grow and change. When you have a crowded home, especially, there will be more positive and negative influences on the household. This will influence a couple as well and may bring new ideas as well as new feelings and stressors. Reducing judgment and assumptions, and remaining curious about your partner’s inner world will help you remain connected. You may be surprised at some of the perspectives they experience! Having a nightly chat to discuss logistics, concerns, and upkeep of the household can provide a space to also talk about each other’s inner world.

2. Find activities to do together outside of the house.

As tempting as it is to stay indoors after a long week, it is beneficial to become active and engaged in activities outside of the house. This will stimulate the sense, reinvigorate you, and provide new information to talk about. If you have children, then of course this would require some logistical planning due to needing childcare. If you live with roommates but don’t have children, then it requires some deliberate planning and motivation to try something new. Being indoors in a dynamic that is busy or draining can have an effect on a relationship. Getting outside can open you up to new ideas, or at the very least remind you of how life is outside of the household.

3. Nurture your fondness and admiration.

It is far too easy to get caught up in the day to day tasks of child-rearing, or even the daily routine of keeping up with household chores with roommates. Taking your partner for granted and not pointing out what you love and admire about them is a sure way to increase disconnection. Disconnection doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens very slowly and gradually. Take time to show appreciation and gratitude, and remind yourself of why you chose your partner. When we are busy with life, it is essential to be reminded of those qualities. Don’t assume that because you gave them a lot of appreciation at the beginning of the relationship, that this will carry over in real time.

4. Turn towards each other, rather than way from each other.

Taking a moment to reflect on what your partner is saying, and also not saying can help them be seen and heard. Moving towards bids for connection can show your partner that you are an engaged and enthusiastic participant in their life. Even the smallest comment about a work situation, or a passing comment about a show they want to watch is an opportunity to connect and take the moment to reflect on being present. Imagine that your partner makes many small remarks and comments throughout the day and you nod unenthusiastically, or ignore them, or choose to pay attention to something else. By the end of the day you may have missed out on hundreds of small opportunities for connection which can lead to romance. The more bids you miss out on, the more disconnected you may both feel.

Romance is not all about date nights, butterflies in your stomach, and gifts. Those are helpful, yes, but at the end of the day feeling seen and heard is a beautiful way to cut through the noise of the environment and show your partner that you still choose them everyday. Life can make it a bit harder to squeeze in romance, but just like you water a plant frequently to keep it alive, giving your relationship time and attention is invaluable to keeping it healthy in the long run.