How to Advocate for Your Child When They Need Extra Support in School

One of the biggest advantages of parenting in today’s day and age is that we now have access to an amazing array of resources and information that our parents and grandparents never had. We can now access research articles, share information with many different parents in the community, and learn about our rights as families. This helps us be better informed on how to advocate for our children.

That very same advantage can be a significant disadvantage when the information is not used in an appropriate way. Having access to information does not always mean you understand the information or know what to do with it. This in turn can create stress for families and school systems when there is a feeling that they are on opposing teams rather than striving for a common goal.

Information can be both highly beneficial if you keep an open mind and maintain self-awareness about the information, or it can be a detriment if it creates more anxiety and animosity.

If you are in a position in which you realize you need to advocate for your children and request more support, here is a quick list that can help you stay calm and collected, while bringing forward relevant information in an effort to collaborate with their school environment.

1. Recognize when a school environment is willing to collaborate, or when it is time to look for a different setup.

You can provide all the relevant research and resources to a meeting with a school. You can request to escalate and push further up the chain of command if you perceive resistance. You can even hire a lawyer  if you wish to do so. This is all within your rights as a parent.

However, there are times where the stress of a battle is not worth it. If you are finding yourself having to convince school staff and administrators about certain accommodations, then this gives you some information about the internal culture of the school. School culture can be difficult to change.

Even if you manage to convince them to make an accommodation, they may still comply begrudgingly. Your child will feel this. And it can often create an emotionally unsafe environment for a child. Children are very perceptive, and they can pick up on cues of frustration. Complying with accommodation requests creates a more accessible environment, but it may not foster an emotionally secure environment.

If you know that this is the only school for your child for a variety of reasons, and the only choice is to push the topic, then do what you have to do. Every case and situation is different. However, if you find that you have other options, it may be relevant to consider if it is better for everyone’s mental health to transfer to another location. Remember, for your child, school is a home away from home. The memories they make there day-in and day-out are a significant part of their formative years and development of sense of self.

2. Remember that you have more power in your presence than you may realize. Teachers and administrators are often burnt out themselves. Setting the tone for collaboration rather than debate can help them relax and be more receptive to your insights.

You may feel nervous before entering a meeting to discuss your child’s progress and needs for support. These meetings are a big deal! It is not easy to have to talk about your child’s needs. These conversations may make you emotional or may bring up past insecurities from your own childhood.

School staff and administrators are also aware that these meetings can be emotionally heavy. If they are burnt out, tired, or going through their own struggles, they may not be able to empathize or sit with your discomfort. They will still show professionalism, but there may be some active or passive reactions that could hinder your attempts at advocacy.

This tells you that in many ways you have power and even an upper hand as a parent. If you are the person they are looking to in order to know how to react, then this tells you that YOU can set the tone. You can take ownership of the meeting and bring your own talking points.

Think about it. When your children look to you for guidance, they are often looking for a tone that is firm, but kind. This works for adults as well. And it certainly also works for the adults who are caring for your child during the day. If they know what they can expect emotionally from you, then you may find more genuine collaboration.

3. Become familiar with the lingo. Have your statistics and research ready. Get comfortable with clear communication.

In any type of meeting, being concise and clear with communication can reduce the chances of miscommunication. Finding a way to emotionally regulate can help you stick to the facts rather than diving deep into the details of your feelings.

If you enter a school meeting with pent up feelings, then you may find yourself becoming upset, blaming others, or venting your frustrations. This leaves the listeners confused and overwhelmed.

Additionally, If you can do some research beforehand and find terminology that describes more concisely what your child needs, this can reduce miscommunication.

For example: If you have a child who has sensory seeking needs, then you state just that, rather than going into a story about all of the different sensory seeking behaviors your child engaged in yesterday. You can provide a few examples in order to provide context, but it will be relevant to reduce any venting.

If you find that you have difficulty with keeping things concise, consider a therapist to help with emotional regulation, or talk to other parents who are more experienced and well-versed in the relevant terminology. Using research articles and statistics from trusted sources can also help provide reinforcement for what you are trying to co