How Remote Work Can Impact Your Relationship

After the 2020 pandemic, many people forcefully learned what it was like to work remotely. There is a running debate on whether or not offices should re-open or request their employees to adhere to a hybrid model. The reality is that there are many opinions on this topic because remote work truly is a personal preference.

Remote work can be tremendously beneficial for those who are juggling multiple responsibilities. Cutting down on commute time can make a substantial difference for anyone, and especially for households where there are multiple stops to make throughout the day like school pick up and drop off, errands, or doctors’ appointments.

People who tend to be introverted and prefer solitude in order to recharge and work efficiently also benefit from being able to work from home without social interference. Couples who thrive in this remote work environment often find themselves more connected, more refreshed, and better able to balance work and marital or family life.

However, just like any other useful tool in life, remote work can also have some downsides. Having easy access to your partner or children can also create gradual overstimulation. If you have a babysitter taking care of your children while working remotely at home, it is common for kids to continue to try to enter your office area, or for them to continue trying to get moments of connection with you whenever you walk out of the office.

Similarly, with our partners, we may find trouble placing boundaries if they have certain needs for connection or venting while you have your own work responsibilities to take care of. If there is an existing pattern of communication issues, these could become exacerbated when you are in each other’s vicinity throughout the day. If you are someone who needs more stimulation and socializing, then you may find yourself bored or restless throughout the day. This could impact your partner if you have a desire to find that stimulation through them, but they are not ready to provide that for you.

Overall, remote work has tremendous benefits, AND it can also reveal or exacerbate underlying issues in a relationship that may not have been as easy to notice while working in separate office settings.

If you feel that you are in the category of someone who’s remote work setup is causing problems in the relationship, consider the following ways to find solutions:

1. Are you getting easily irritated when you see your partner working from home?
Noticing our frustrations and irritations requires for us to be able to self-reflect and truly understand what is bothering us. It is far too easy to blame or point the finger at our partner, but it is more challenging to look at our own patterns and acknowledge how we may contribute to our feelings. Before lashing out at your partner, take a moment for yourself to process what is bothering you before bringing up conflicts.

2. Is close proximity starting to take away from your efficiency?
Using separate office areas, or dividers in a shared space can help to create the sensation of distance. The distance can help to put you in a different head space when you need to focus on work. This can also provide some emotional distance so that both can keep boundaries and discuss personal things later in the day when the workload is dwindling or when work has ended. Scheduling regular breaks can also provide much needed transitions in order to refresh your mind and offer your partner some space.

3. Are you venting all day to your partner?
If you are having issues at work, either with coworkers, vendors, or customers, it can be easy to fall back on your partner to vent. Although they may not mind it, they may feel uncomfortable asking you to redirect the conversation if they are very busy with their own work. Remember, they love you, so it is only natural that they would want to be supportive. If you are noticing higher than usual levels of work stress, consider who else you could vent to. If you notice that remote work has made it hard to connect with others, then this would be a good issue to begin working on for your personal well-being.

4. Are you avoiding underlying issues in the relationship?
Perhaps before when you were working outside of the home, it was easy to hide behind the sense of feeling busy and overworked in order to avoid issues in a relationship. If you are working from home and suddenly no longer have the excuse of long commutes and scheduling conflicts, then you may now be faced with the issues or problems you have been hiding away from. This may be an opportunity to re-assess the nature of your relationship and begin using healthy conflict resolution skills to rebuild connection and trust.