How to Have a Perfect Relationship?

I think most of us were raised with the “Brother Grimm” and “Disney” fairy tales mindset. Women have to dedicate their lives to finding prince charming, and men have to fight for the love of the princess of their dreams. Then, of course, they fall in love and they live “Happily Ever After.”

What they did not tell us was that PERFECT DOES NOT EXIST!!! I do not mean to depress anyone with these news (if you did not know it already), but I have to say it out loud once and for all. Prince charming does not exist in the terms of those movies, just like the perfect princess does not exist. What might be an amazing prince/ss for one, can be the exact opposite for another. Let’s get real now. If we get into a relationships with this mindset, most of us, will find themselves taking inventories of the wrong/annoying/bad things their partners do. I am pretty confident we all did this at some point of a relationship (or two…). Many time, we fail to see how our behaviors are possibly negatively affecting the relationship, and that most likely we will carry those issues into the next relationship.
Once, I met a very old lady (she was 93) who told me that her secret to a happy marriage (she was married for 72 years) was to make a decision and stick to it. She said:

“You just need to sit with yourself and think. What don’t I like about my partner? Now, can I live with this behavior/s or character/s for the rest of my life and be happy?”

She really made me wonder, and I came to the amazing conclusion that it is so true. We will most likely find some flaws in every person we meet. The question is if our partner have more positive qualities that we love about them then bad qualities, and can we live with those qualities we do not like as much. When you realize that this is what relationship is all about, and that trying to change your partner will most likely just cause you agony and disappointed you will likely find your so called “perfect match”.  What I can guarantee you is that you will feel happier, and more fulfilled in your relationship if you chose to look at it this way.
Going back to disney for a second I want to share with you what made me think of this post idea. The other day on Facebook I saw this post “real hair problems of disney princesses”, and it made me giggle, because media definitely makes us all feel somewhat incompatible…..

 This really made me think about the stereotypes and false believes we are all raised by. In reality, if this is what we saw, maybe less people would be so fascinated by the idea of marriage and parenthood???

On a positive note, I truly believe that if we get into a relationship having similar expectation and accepting each other for who we are, with no reservations, the divorce rates will decrease tremendously. It is also HIGHLY important to accept that there will be arguments and disagreements. After all, it is two different people, who came up from different upbringings who are trying to do something amazing together as one. When kids enter the picture, things become even more complicated. However, if the love is there, and respect is present most couples can conquer anything they put their mind up to.

I think an amazing guide that is out there is “Getting the Love You Want.” and “The Gottman Method“. I am very excited to become trained in the Gottman method myself at the end of the month. I offer couples and family counseling at my private practice if you think you need some help working through the struggles of relationships. 

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