How to Know When You are Having Trouble Adapting to Stress

We frequently hear from others that life is stressful, and there is no need to go to therapy for something that is natural and that we all experience. There is some truth to this. Yes, stressful situations happen all the time. It is absolutely expected. It is normal to be disturbed by stressful situations, even though we know that they are a part of life.

When we start needing extra assistance is when the stress creates reactions that are out of control, or that are debilitating. This is not always easy to distinguish. Because it is not easy to distinguish, we may push ourselves further and further, when in reality we need more support or at least a moment to take a break and re-evaluate our circumstances.

If you have ever wondered whether or not your stress levels are appropriate to your situation, then taking a look at this list can help. Here are some examples of common stressful situations, and how the stress can create healthy versus unhealthy bodily reactions.

1. Rushing to get the kids dropped off at school in the morning
   This is the peak of stress for many households since this requires all family members to be on the same page, and head out the door on a time crunch.
   Healthy stress response: Your mind may be thinking about the next steps in the morning routine, rather than being fully present. You may be more serious or focused than usual in order to get things done in a timely manner. You may be more stern in how you talk to your kids, but they accept your influence and guidance. You may not feel able to relax until everyone has been dropped off and you have arrived to work on time. Once the morning rush is over, your stress levels balance out again and you can be playful and present.
   Unhealthy stress response: You feel an elevated heart rate. You may have trouble sleeping the night before in anticipation of the morning routine. Your mind may feel chaotic and disorganized as you try to get the children on the same page. You may yell at your children or spouse, or take your anxiety and anger out on them. You may blame others for how the morning went, or you may fixate on everything that went wrong in the morning. The stress from the morning can negatively impact your mood for the rest of the day.
2. Relationship stress with spouse or partner
   It is true that no relationship is perfect. It is also true that there is space for growth and improvement in each of us. With that said, there is still a big difference between the stress of collaboration, and the stress of repeated disconnection.
   Healthy stress response: You and your partner may disagree on some topics, but you can find a middle ground and appreciate each other’s perspectives. Your voice can remain calm in the middle of disagreements. When you or your spouse are stressed by external circumstances, you can turn towards each other in order to meet each other’s emotional needs. You may feel upset by something they said or did, but you can bring this to their attention in a way that does not blame or shame. In the middle or stressors such as children’s schedules, and illnesses, you can continue to focus on being a team.
   Unhealthy stress response: You feel that when regular life stressors happen, you and your spouse attack each other verbally or physically or you start pointing out what each person is doing wrong. Your body feels either unable to speak up, or it feels like it has a mind of its own and says hurtful things before you can think about things rationally. Your voice frequently rises, or you may find that the stress and frustration is making its way out via your hurtful facial expressions. You may feel that small situations feel personal and much more ill-intended than they were in hindsight. You may feel that you cannot trust your partner with relevant tasks such as finances, childcare, or loyalty. You may find yourself speaking badly about your partner with others.
3. Financial instability
   One of the most common life stressors that affects many of us across the board, is financial instability. When we have to sacrifice certain things, or restructure how we are spending money, it can generate a lot of stress. Again, how we react to the stressor will help us identify how our overall wellness is balancing out.
   Healthy stress response: You may allow yourself to feel some grief or frustration, and then you may start looking for solutions. You may feel some anxiety about the future, and you may use this anxiety to ask for help, look for resources, or bring up your concerns to a trusted confidante who can guide you. You may feel grief about having to commit to a more simple lifestyle, and you may then research how to continue to live a fulfilled life on a smaller budget. You may feel forced to switch jobs or add on a second job, and you accept the commitment of these changes despite your feelings.
   Unhealthy stress response: You may feel overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame about your situation. You may feel stuck, and may feel unable to open your bank accounts to check for solutions. You may avoid or ignore your finances, for fear of the discomfort of knowing the instability of your situation. You may also feel the urge to lash out or blame others for having influenced your financial situation. The overwhelming negative thoughts may make it difficult to ask for help or look for solutions.

Although there are many more typical life situations that can generate stress, these are a few of the most common stressors that we experience in life. It is important to remember that it IS normal to experience stress. However, we need extra help when the stress if affecting us and our loved ones in a way that affects our well-being.