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  • Should We Have “Me” Time in Our Romantic Relationship?

    Remember when you initially met your partner and you had those butterflies in your stomach? For many of us, during this so called honeymoon period we want to spend every awaken moment next to this person.  Then gradually, after spending a lot of time together some of us have the need for individualized time to do things on our own or with a close friend/s.  However, for some of us we don’t feel a need for individual time and if our partner asks for it – it might brings up some insecurities, issues of trust, jealousy, and at times even anger and disappointment.  Many times, those feelings of insecurity or lack of trust stem from a trauma related to an attachment figure or even a previous relationship we had. I decided to explore this topic more, to shed some light on the importance of having “you time”  when in a committed relationship. Those who think they have some trauma related to this issue should contact a licensed professional for help. 

    A lot of this have to do with the fact that some people like to do things on their own in general, While others feel uncomfortable doing things alone and prefers company. When there is this type of meat match in any type of relationship not only romantic one it could create some tension.  One of the important things, is to figure out for yourself what are your preferences about doing things together or alone and openly communicating about that to your partner in the early stages of a relationship. Many times, people in a relationship do not tell them partners about their preferences and they  go along with whatever it is that their partner would like and that brings some frustration and resentment into the relationship which results in some unhealthy patterns.  Another important aspect to this is to help your partner find things they like to do on their own if they don’t know already, and develop some shared routine that you both enjoy.  It is about finding the balance between the “me” time and “we” time.

     If you are a person that when single you feel alive, happy, and productive. If you have any activities that you engage in and enjoy doing but when you start a relationship you all of a sudden lose all interest in your activities and take over the  activities that your partner and gauges and there is a good chance that after sometimes it would become boring and frustrating for both you and your partner and you will lose interest in each other eventually breaking up. That is one of the reasons “me” time it’s so important  for the success of a relationship.  Date night can you be a great opportunity for connecting as a couple or with yourself. You can set it as part of your schedule and make sure to attend couple or individual date night at all costs.

    One last aspect I would like to mention is the issue of guilt about quality self care or couple time. Some people feel guilty about finding time for themselves alone. Especially when becoming a parent and having many responsibilities as part of your day you tend to get feel guilty for having me time. Actually, in there times it’s even more  imperative to have some time for yourself to recharge.  When you don’t find this time for yourself there’s a good chance that you would start feeling as if you’re missing something in your relationship. You might even develop some depression, anger, anxiety, loss of interest in sex,  resentments, and overall a sense of losing your own identity and those kind of issues could easily lead to relationship issues.  Self-care on the other hand is known to develop self growth and vitality. Dr Terri Orbuch from the University of Michigan explains in her research how “me” time can actually help improve “we” time in a relationship.