Most of us, as humans, we like to have an emotional connection with others. Due to that, we establish friendships, and romantic relationships in addition to our family connection. The first relationship we develop is with our parents. That relationship establishes what we call attachment. The type of attachment we have will influence every relationship in our future (read more here). Research conducted by Prior and Glasser (2006) concluded that secure attachment can classify 65% of children, while the remaining 35% have insecure attachment style. In relationships, insecure attachment is normally associated with many issues such as jealousy, obsessions and more.
Our social involvement can make a huge difference in the quality of our lives. Many times, as a result of a breakup, death, loss of any kind, or a move those emotional connections can be broken or disrupted and it can affect our overall well being and mental health. When we are in a romantic relationship it is important to recognize how these factor affect us and what we can do to improve our ability to connect. Building friendships and common activities you and your partner can enjoy together can surely help begin you closer. Have fun with each other, go out on a date night (especially when you are tired and you feel your work and kids are consuming you). Make time to remember your dating times and share a laugh about a positive memory. Life can become routine like and expected… never forget to spice things up. In this day and age having dinner together and asking each other questions about your day can go a long way. Even going to bed at the same time, as a routine can be helpful. I found few fairly easy and quick tips to improve relationships here and here.
An important aspect of connections these days relate to the era of smart phones. Come on, I know, almost all of us are connected to our phones as one of our most precious possession. Putting your phone down when you are around your partner or family member is HIGHLY important, especially during meals or alone time! Phones and social media can become a huge distraction and an agent in bringing people apart. Engage in a conversation and avoid communicating and (even more) fighting over text. I know it seems easier to do so but in all reality it tents to be more hurtful than helpful! Which brings me to another important aspect of emotional connection – touch. It does not have to be sexual, but hugging your partner and acknowledging their needs for intimacy or sexuality is significant (within what they would like to have and what makes you feel comfortable of course). Saying thank you and appreciate what they do for you and how they treat you. The art of gratitude is helpful in relationships of all kind.
One other important aspect is remaining positive and not get stuck in negative views and thinking. Many couples, if they tent to argue a lot thy become too focused on a distorted view that they are always or never what they should be. They forget to enjoy and acknowledge their happy states. The Gottman Method speaks about the sound relationship house approach. They believe that the healthy way to relationship is if you have these component in it: truly know your partner (needs, worries, stresses, joys, etc.), sharing fondness and admiration, turning toward by sharing your needs, taking a positive perspective, learning how to deal with conflict in a constructive manner, having trust, commitment, shared meaning, and making your life dreams come true. You can read more here or you can also reach out to me to discuss further.