Why TikTok Parenting Advice is Anxiety Inducing

The internet is amazing. Thirty years ago, it was a privilege to be able to access the internet at home or at school. Almost twenty years ago, in 2005, YouTube was founded and quickly became a sensation. It became easier than ever to share your ideas, thoughts, opinions, and creativity to the world. As time has passed, our social media platforms have become faster, easier to use, and easily accessible not just via a computer but via a cellphone. Thanks to platforms like TikTok, our videos have become shorter, faster to find, and more entertaining.

This is an amazing tool for humanity, and although it is immensely helpful and beneficial, we also encounter a problem when it feeds into our anxiety rather than relieving it. When algorithms keep us in a loop of seeing the same type of content over and over again, it can create a pattern of confirmation bias as well as conformity bias.

Too frequently, we see clients in session comparing themselves to the videos they see on TikTok and wondering if they are permanently traumatizing their children if they don’t do things in the same ways the videos show. I am sure there are some helpful videos out there, however sometimes psychological and developmental concepts get condensed down into brief videos that cannot possibly take into account all types of situations and family arrangements.

To add further fuel to the fire, the format of these videos show a presenter with lots of confidence. Although confidence is good, the way in which these videos differentiate from therapy is that in therapy there is active collaboration, clarity seeking, and interaction to increase understanding and personalization of services. With short bursts of videos, you can still obtain decent information, however the information may be presented as the only answer/solution, or you may have trouble applying it to your own life since everyone’s situation is unique.

Clients who already experience anxiety may feel like TikTok parenting videos further aggravate their rumination and difficulty with decision making. They may find themselves stuck in comparison mode, or criticizing themselves for the way in which they are parenting. Even new parents, who perhaps were not anxious previously, may feel themselves pulled towards self-doubt when watching TikTok parenting videos.

Please keep in mind that there ARE stark differences between unhealthy and healthy parenting styles. So we do not want to discard those concepts which can be helpful. However, it is important to remember the nuances and uniqueness of your own family life, and then pick and choose accordingly from the healthier parenting techniques.

If you still find yourself questioning your parenting skills, here are a few ways to maintain some balance and perspective when you encounter parenting videos on TikTok and other platforms.

1. Ask yourself if this content creator is trying to sell a romanticized version of their life.
   We get it. For aesthetic purposes, you want a clutter-free space and clean environment when creating videos. There is nothing wrong with that. However, if you find yourself wondering why your house is not as spotless, or your appearance is not as neat as those in the videos, you may need some personal fact checking. It is helpful to remind yourself that the content creators are spending a significant amount of time marketing to an audience, and for many creators this is their job. Of course, they have the time to polish the details of their lives! Comparing yourself to these creators is unhelpful and unfair to you. It can only perpetuate further feelings of inadequacy and comparison.
2. Remember that the videos often reflect some truth, but there are many exceptions.
   There are lots of popular videos out there on popular trends with kids that DO have some truth to them. For example, a video may talk about the benefits of baby-led weaning and how it can help with diversifying a child’s taste palate. Yes, there is some truth to this. But every child is different. What happens if you have a child with physical feeding difficulties, or sensory differences who cannot tolerate certain textures? Similarly, there are videos about not allowing children too much screen time. Again, this is a valid concept! However, what happens when there are single parents with no help or support, who need their child to sit still for some time while they work? There are several valid and reasonable exceptions to the content we see. As a parent, you can take a moment to objectively think about your life and what you need to do to survive right now. We can always strive to be better and improve, however we may not always be able to do what others do. Give yourself grace, and focus on improving your personal situation, rather than doing exactly as others do.
3. Remember that those who judge the harshest are the ones who understand the least.
   It is easy to feel upset by the criticisms or judgments of others online. There are plenty of commenters who would never dare say out loud what they type out on social media platforms. As jarring as it may be, the people who are the loudest and most explicit with their judgments are likely the people who have little empathy or little personal understanding of a situation. If you see a content creator who is rigid in the views they promote regarding parenting, or commenters who harshly judge some of the things you do, you can remind yourself of their limited perspective. If they have not walked in your shoes, or lived your experience, then they do not have all the information. In these instances it is wise to take advice from someone who is truly listening to the specifics of your parenting journey, and truly taking into account what is best for you.